Leaving Home for the First Time Feelings Rant

Long title, I know, lol. So for some who has never left home, and by that I mean living on her own, away from her family, you think its gonna be fine like you can’t wait to be away and on your own. But leaving the country is a bit different. I was so ready, I though I was gonna be fine, I couldn’t wait to leave. And then I got here and it was fun for the first day or two, like it hadn’t sunk in that I was here, in Japan- a totally different country than America. But then the reality sunk in and it was like I was in a constant state of wanting to cry. I still don’t why I wanted to, it’s literally only been a not even a week. I knew I was going to miss home. But it wasn’t even that, I just felt so lonely. I’m not the best at making friends really but it feel weird being cramping my dorm room just studying but I literally have no time to anything else because this language program is very intense. But I see other people going out and I want to join them I just can’t bring myself to ask. Always struggling between being an extrovert and introvert. And I had no problem being in my room at home, but see, some one was almost always home, I was never truly myself which is why think that I wanted to cry. And because Japanese buildings, at lest the one I’m in, doesn’t have insulation or central heating, everywhere besides your room which has a space heater is fucking cold, so like why would I venture out to the common room or something when I’ll be freezing?? But then it also feels like I haven’t done anything all day which makes me feel restless. It’s a double edge sword. I don’t even know anymore. I just never thought I’d feel this way. I was so comfortable in America with all my friends and family. I miss my friends that I can be myself around. I didn’t know living aboard would be this hard. I’m shit at Japanese even though I’ve taken three semesters of it and now I’m back at level but that what you get when you don’t study it for a year. I can’t read anything thing at the grocery store, I’m afraid to speak it because I think I’ll fuck it up. But this is me learning, learning how to survive in another country so different from my own, learning how be away from my comfort zone, learning how to travel because that it what I want to do when I grow older was to travel but now I’m not so sure if I’m cut out for it. And maybe it will get better the longer I’m here, maybe I won’t wanna leave but as of right now I’m homesick, well not really homesick but maybe more like comfort-sick, where I miss being comfortable. So the point to all this is for me to look back by the end of this semester and see if I still feel the same way. And for you guys, or for any one who might actually read my blog, to feel like your not alone when your missing home and you just feel like crying all the time and you don’t know why but mostly to let you guys know that you will feel this way inevitable at some point when you leave your comfort zone for the first time at least. Well, that is all I have to rant about this time.

 

じゃあ、まった、

Layal

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